It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
