adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
