Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
