Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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