We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
