woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
