Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
