Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
