Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
