you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
