is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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