Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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