I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
