pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
