My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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