Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
