I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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