I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
