The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
