How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
