WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
