At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I bet he comes in French.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
