her vagine was all disorganized.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
