grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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