this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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