Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
