At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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