I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
