we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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