i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
