i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
