arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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