Screwed.edu
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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