just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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