I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
