I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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