Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
