I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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