The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
