I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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