I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
