I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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