Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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