he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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