He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
