OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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