thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
