Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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