my sisters under your porch take her home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
