Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
