you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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