we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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