I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
