i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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