Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
50% drunk capacity currently
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
