dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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