It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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