marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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