my sisters under your porch take her home
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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