I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
