Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
