party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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