just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
