Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
