The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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