Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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