i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
