If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
