I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
