I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
