then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
