apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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